Last week, we published a blog about preventing wedding crashers. The flipside of that, of course, is how crashers do what they do. We figured that you’d be interested in researching how to crash a wedding in order to better guard your own event. You’re reading this blog for entirely altruistic and noble reasons, right? Right?!

1. Big weddings only.

A good rule of thumb is to stake out a venue that will be hosting one. For instance, you’re staying in a hotel and the ballroom is being utilized for a reception. It’s safe to wager that this wedding will not be only close friends and family.

2. Dress well

Don’t just drunkenly stagger in because you want the open bar. Commit. If you have an opportunity to crash, but don’t have the necessary equipment and knowledge to pull it off, don’t. Do you really think you can just waltz into a soiree of Gatsby-like elegance in Sperries and a Hawaiian shirt?

3. Make it to the ceremony.

A little bit of background information helps out tremendously. If you’re stopped, you’ll have a few select tidbits to pull from at least. The fact that you were at the ceremony means that people will probably assume you were invited. Seriously, who crashes a wedding ceremony? You may as well crash someone else’s kid’s spelling bee. Everyone assumes it’s the reception or nothing, which is why attending the ceremony is a master-stroke.

4. Stay calm.

This should go without saying, but it’s worth repeating. No one will call you on being a crasher if you ACT LIKE YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE THERE.

5. Skip the dinner.

The milling and socializing before dinner is probably okay, so long as you have a story and decent social skills. However, wedding dinner seating is not to be trifled with. Everyone has a place and a selected entree option and this has been planned for months in advance. You have a snowball’s chance in hell of insinuating that there was a mix up with the seating. There wasn’t; everyone knows this too. You’re just attracting unnecessary attention at this point and it will not pan out for you. Either come after dinner or find an excuse to duck out.

6. If possible, bring a date.

Who goes to a wedding by themselves without knowing anyone? Bringing a date also gives you someone to corroborate your phony story about living on the groom’s dorm floor. You might miss out on the opportunity to woo bridesmaids, but the likelihood of getting kicked out has fallen considerably. Plus, your date could always be your wing woman.

7. Do not over drink.

Get a little socially lubricated, but you don’t want to say something stupid and blow your cover. Have a cocktail or two and mingle, but drinking like a sailor on leave just increases the odds of you getting unceremoniously thrown onto pavement by burly groomsmen. I’m not expert on crashing weddings, but I’d assume puking in the punch bowl generally sabotages your clandestine attendance.

8. Social media is your friend.

How did Bond do it in the pre-facebook age? Use Instagram, Linked in and any other sites to cherry pick pertinent facts in case you’re questioned. You’ll need an air of confidence and some social improvisation, but knowing the basics of the couple’s life might just give you a passing backstory.

9. Stay as far away from the planner as possible without looking like you’re avoiding them.

Don’t stick out by being the center of attention, but don’t awkwardly skirt around the dance floor. Blend into the jubilation of the reception by neither being reclusive or ostentatious.

11. Bring a gift.

You’re a wedding crasher, not an animal. Address it something corny like “To the Newlyweds” and leave it on the gift table. Yes, you might have violated their happy day, but if you’re good, there won’t be any memory of you, save a mysterious Applebee’s gift card and a very generic, unsigned card.

12. If you think you’re about to get called out, leave discreetly.

No need to cause a scene. Casually exit as quickly as possible. You had your fun and you hopefully livened the wedding up a bit. No need for you to protest being asked to leave, only to find out the best man is a Golden Glove. Leave with your dignity (and all of your teeth.)